| | And the perpetual, ever-growing cloud of black, stifling tension pervades every space; every corner, and the helplessness that settles after, lingers even as the moment passes, and all is still. And again, it strikes me how naive I am. That people are only pretensions, and appearances are merely fanciful facades built to conceal the sinister personalities lurking behind. Somehow, I feel so desperate for a solution, some miracle to save him, save her, save us. But the barest cinders of belief flicker, and then fade. I have to be the solution. Or at least, I can only rely on myself, to get out of the perennial shouting matches, the constant hurting. Sometimes I really wish I could be someone else. To stop thinking through everything in such moralistic detail. To feel so much responsibility. But then, I must be grateful for who I am, and (if God exists) what I have been given. I need to buy time; to figure out what to do with myself. I guess I needed this, however dark and terrible it is, to reflect on my behavior for the past few days, and change that.
P.S. Common tests in 3 weeks. SPA happening vv soon. Promos at the end of the year. A levels next year. I don't know if I still believe in myself anymore.
P.P.S Humanity is fickle, and depraved. We judge, with evil intent. How I wish I could peel away the plastered layers of the masks you wear, and show you the vileness you bear. But you and I are all victim to human nature.
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| | Posted 6/7/2009 3:19 PM - 6 Views - 2 eProps - 0 comments
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