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| I just returned from lunch at Rakuichi at Dempsey, and goodness gracious me, am I stuffed. It's as if someone just pumped a few gallons of water into my stomach; I feel so bloated. And currently, my abdomen bears an uncanny resemblance to that of an African child suffering from starvation and other ailments such as parasites and abnormally low levels of osmotic pressure in their plasma. How ironic. *twitches nose* (Note: I am not trying to be insensitive to the plight of the children in Africa or patronizing in any way whatsoever, so if you're offended then I'm sorry. *shrugs*)
Breakfast:
- Cereal (corn bran)
- Peanut butter toast (without crust); white bread ):
- 1/2 semi-cooked pancakes with cocktail fruit
- 3 slices of watermelon
- 1 spoon of yoplait peach, mango yoghurt
Lunch:
- Beancurd sheet salad
- Tempura (vegetable, prawn and fruit)
- Semi-grilled assorted sushi (7 pieces)
- 1/2 bowl of miso soup
- Simmered pork in Japanese sauce
- Goma black sesame ice cream
- 1 orange
- 1 slice of watermelon and 3 mango cubes
(To be continued; dinner's about an hour away)
This blog might become to take the form of a food diary of some sorts, what with my bizarre compulsion to record my dietary habits here. Ohohoh, I kinduv met with a rather embarassing food disaster in the morning. You see, I woke up at seven in the morning feeling rather adventurous. And so, I contemplated and deliberated, and though I didn't exactly ruminate on the meaning/ purpose in life, I did pose a question to myself, one which was of considerable significance; what should I eat for breakfast? And at this point in time, a light bulb went off in my head, and I decided to take a stab at making pancakes, after perusing food blogs and coming across several pancake recipes the previous day. And although I would very much like to proclaim that my endeavor was an impeccable success, that would, unfortunately, be miserably far from the reality of things. For one, the batter, when poured over the griddle, would assume the semblance of thick, messy and unyielding goo, which refused to submit to my rather furious attempts to spread it evenly on the pan. Secondly, I quite stupidly forgot what ordinary pancakes should look like, and didn't know when to flip them over and what colour should they take. So they turned out to be only semi-cooked and stubby in diameter. I ate half of a pancake, and my mother one-quarter and then I gave the remainder to Astro. I must say it certainly made his day (at least my pancakes made someone happy, no?). My mother very kindly suggested that it was probably the fault of a lousy recipe (one I chanced upon and extracted from a friend's blog), but I tend to think otherwise. Somehow, it would be more logical, perhaps, to attribute this failed attempt to my inherent culinary skills (or rather, lack thereof). Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.
After lunch, my mother and I decided to walk around the Redsea Gallery for a while, to assuage the mild twinges of pain my swollen belly was experiencing. And some of the works of art are pretty awe-inspiring; they're incredibly beautiful. The textures, the shapes, the vivid palette of colours thrown into juxtaposition on canvas. I wonder if the artists were able to deliberately create such amazing works, or it was merely serendipitous. Then after accepting that my stomach, the obstinate and obdurate creature that it is, was quite adamant in tormenting me, we set off to my gonggong's house for a visit. But I find that luck often deserts us at critical junctures in time (Murphy's Law!) and true enough, we made the trip in vain; nobody was in. ): So we went to the nearest Cold Storage (Jelita) to buy bread (we decided to try pumpkin bread from Cedele, I shall eat it for tomorrow's breakfast) and Japanese beancurd pockets to stuff buang kuang filling into for tomorrow's lunch. And then we came home, and I almost immediately plonked myself in front of the computer screen. (: Ah, one of the greatest shortcomings of advancing technology--- addiction/ over reliance. (My chosen topic for GP promos!)
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I need to read more. I feel strangely free and underachieving. Everyone else is busy with attachments and their schedules are overflowing with activities (overseas trips, writing camps etc.). I want to make something meaningful out of my holidays, like visiting a home/ interacting with people and gaining insights and perspectives on a variety of issues. I want to break out of my shell and cease feeling self conscious about myself and my opinions, to make contributions and valid assertions. I want to make a difference. How very idealistic. I shall begin to make new year resolutions for myself very soon. I think that as an individual, I lack a goal, an aspiration to work towards. I mean, the reason why I'm make effort in school, is because I know I can't exactly afford fall behind the rest. But that being said, I don't have a concrete target/ plan that I can visualize myself achieving in the future. One can say, isn't your goal straight A's in a levels? Yes, I'm clearly aware of the expectations set for me by my teachers, my peers, my family, and maybe even society. But honestly, does it have to be as superficial as that? Numerous people, usually those older than your's truly, have constantly asked me, what do you what to do in the future? Hell, I wish I knew. And the things we study don't exactly help in steering us in the direction we wish to take. I mean, take Math for example. Don't get me wrong because I adore Math, but frankly, I don't intend to spent the rest of my life finding the limit of a sequence involving Xn. It trains our logical thinking, and our ability to make cogent connections between various realms of thinking. But, it doesn't assist us in discovering what interests us. At all. I need to find something that I love, with such intensity and fervor, that I wouldn't mind investing my entire life into it, and actually being happy that I'm doing what I'm doing. Obviously there are going to be days that I will feel like quitting, and giving up, and I acknowledge that. But I haven't found that passion, that fire. I think I need to go find some attachments to do, so that I can be more well acquainted with a diverse selection of paths I might take in life later. But until then, I guess I'll just have to contend with the short-term--- psyching myself so that I can resist addiction to the computer, and getting started on holiday homework (ugh).
P.S. I read in the newspaper that a definite no-no for blogs, is small intelligible font, and no pictures. And seeing that I fall victim to both of the criteria, I shall compromise for a bit, and use arial font instead. Easier on the eyes (??)
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| (Fri, 11.50 pm)
It's 11.50 pm, and I'm still awake. Quite surprising, because according to my standards, it's late and I should already be sleeping; snugly tucked under the heavy, comforting layers of my trusty 'ol blanket. Yet, an incessant sense of guilt gnaws at the very core of my mental existence. My brother just ended his birthday celebrations approximately an hour ago, and as with most birthday celebrations, food played a pivotal role in the festivities. And, unfortunately for my poor stomach and dangerously growing waistline, I just stuffed myself with mounds and mounds of food; Flavourful unagi and mushroom and cheese pizza from oishii pizza (though I must say it is indeed a cut above the normal ordinary pizza i.e. Pizza Hut/ Canadian Pizza, which I have a tendency to avoid), tasty soupy yee mien peppered with crunchy beansprouts, prawns, chinese mushrooms and some yellow vegetable whose name I cannot quite recollect at this point in time, sushi (salmon, tamago, zucchini, unagi, cheese, prawn) from the fifty dollar Sakae sushi set we ordered to deliver, kueh pie tee filled with buang kuang, carrot, prawns and bean curd cubes, slice after slice of pink beet cake (which I absolutely adore) and dark chocolate cake from local bakery Cedele, konyaku jelly filled with canned cocktail fruit, longan/lychee with iced almond jelly, and platefuls of fresh fruit (apples, watermelon, mango, honeydew, starfruit, grapes).
Argh, my stomach feels inflamed from ingesting excessive volumes of nosh. I feel like I'm being poisoned, save me.
I desperately need to stop myself from consuming food that I don't need, and get down to losing a substantial amount of weight fat. I know a few (maybe 3/4?) people say I seem to have lost a bit of weight, so I guess I'm on the right track. I hope. I kinduv doubt it after today's dinner, sigh.
(Sat, 12.26 pm)
P.S. On a lighter note, Taeyang is out with his brand new single, Wedding Dress! The choreography is amazing and the melody to the song is just phenomenal. (Although I can't say I particularly enjoy the ending to the music video; somehow I can't appreciate endings that deviate from happy ones. Unless I don't like the protagonist, that is.) I can't wait for his performance on the 15th, 4.00pm (Korean time) on Inkigayo (!!!) What's more, f(x) also recently (last week if I'm not wrong) released their latest mini album Chu~♡, and despite my initial mild disappointment with their debut track Chu~♡, their other songs on the album, especially the duets featuring Luna and Krystal i.e. Hard but Easy and You're My Destiny (uncanny choice of song title--- mere coincidence or deliberate reference to korean idol drama starring Yoona as the female lead character? Free publicity for Yoona, maybe?), do deserve credit. So all in all, not a bad album I'd say. Oh and congrats to SHINee for sweeping a handful of awards lately; they seem to be in top form as of the moment, and let's hope it continues for a while. They came back cuter than ever; and they never fail to crack me up on their television stints on Star King! (Especially Taemin, hehe) I miss seunghyun though. ): Somehow FT doesn't seem the same with Seunghyun and Hongki (Duh.) and though Jaejin's been pretty impressive on Love Letter, I think I prefer the wholesome band image much better. :D Btw, Hongki's new drama is rather entertaining! I managed to sit through a few episodes of it without fast forwarding, so I reckon it's definitely worth watching. Especially for those who relish being lazy bums and don't feel like touching their holiday homework with the end of a 2-feet pole. No I'm not describing myself, if that's what you're assuming. *scowl*
P.P.S. I need to exercise more and stop procrastinating. Bad habit, rawr. Anyone interested in dancing lessons? I most certainly am, and am looking for some form of accompaniment! And srsly, I don't believe anyone has 2 left feet because I have one right and one left and you should be no different (unless you originate from some far-flung planet nowhere near Earth), so no excuses for you. ;)
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| And the perpetual, ever-growing cloud of black, stifling tension pervades every space; every corner, and the helplessness that settles after, lingers even as the moment passes, and all is still. And again, it strikes me how naive I am. That people are only pretensions, and appearances are merely fanciful facades built to conceal the sinister personalities lurking behind. Somehow, I feel so desperate for a solution, some miracle to save him, save her, save us. But the barest cinders of belief flicker, and then fade. I have to be the solution. Or at least, I can only rely on myself, to get out of the perennial shouting matches, the constant hurting. Sometimes I really wish I could be someone else. To stop thinking through everything in such moralistic detail. To feel so much responsibility. But then, I must be grateful for who I am, and (if God exists) what I have been given. I need to buy time; to figure out what to do with myself. I guess I needed this, however dark and terrible it is, to reflect on my behavior for the past few days, and change that.
P.S. Common tests in 3 weeks. SPA happening vv soon. Promos at the end of the year. A levels next year. I don't know if I still believe in myself anymore.
P.P.S Humanity is fickle, and depraved. We judge, with evil intent. How I wish I could peel away the plastered layers of the masks you wear, and show you the vileness you bear. But you and I are all victim to human nature.
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| Holiday yesterday! I like. :D Haha, holidays always provide a very rare opportunity to break free from the dreary conundrum of tutorials, tests, lessons. I actually like doing tutorials though; it's comforting that I take pride and pleasure in my work nowadays. I actually enjoy the subjects I take, and slowly unlocking the challenges they present. I know at this juncture, people would probably roll their eyes unceremoniously and judiciously attribute this to something we so dearly recognise as "mugger-ism". But surprisingly enough, it isn't even about homework and being remotely on par with everyone (or ahead), it's actually the joy of learning. That sounds so corny and preachy, but I'm glad I'm starting to like my subjects and learning about all that we have to learn. Except sometimes I feel it's quite pointless sitting through lectures. of which I can't really comprehend. I find it easier if we digest first, and then teachers go through again, and answer our questions. Okay, I know we are supposed to read our stuff beforehand, but honestly, in contemporary circumstances, who on earth has the time?
Had pt on thursday. True to her word, shuyi, our evil captain (xp) made us run 4km. For someone who never ever runs voluntarily, and dreads 2.4 like hydrocarbons repel water, I actually accomplished such a miraculous feat. And I am so proud of myself! I keep telling anyone who will listen to me. Haha. Had fun laughing with meiyan and the rest of the team over nothing. Hehe. Then watched the guys play tennis for a while. Gosh, some people play quite obnoxiously. And someone (forgot his name again) actually had to cheek to hit a ball against the fence where we were standing and exasperatedly say, "What are you doing?" Erm, catching fireflies, while eating marshmellows over the drain and singing in the rain? Of course we were watching you play tennis; do you have to be so rude?! Goodness. Okay, I wasn't very annoyed, just a little put off by another encounter with the opposite species, and their inherently not-so-friendly nature. I think poo and I are quite disillusioned now. But poo, take heart in that I'll always be there for you! And I know it's quite pointless in me saying this, because if you could you probably would have done this by now, but just try to ignore. Some people just really aren't worth fretting about, and this is one of the times when you have to dig deep, and find it in yourself and forget. At the same time, I think friendships are something dear, and something we should hold onto, so don't let go (yet). <3 Ohohoh, saw Carol and Lainney on Thursday before pt! Rj came over for touch rug match. Was quite startled; so startled in fact, that I forgot to hug them, haha. Kinduv miss them in separate ways. I miss going to Carol's house on Saturdays and just doing and talking about everything under the sun, without having to worry about anything at all. That was when there was no ambitions, no politics, no gossip/bitching. And I miss lainney and apey and tll! And ms see, and taboo (!!!) We should really, really meet up, and do something fun together. Maybe they could teach me the rationale behind touch rug! Rawr, miss them.
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I wish people would stop judging others based on appearances. 琼楼玉宇，高处不胜寒. Some people think they understand, but they haven't even gotten down to skimming the surface, They think they're all-knowledgeable, when it doesn't even occur to them that they don't know anything. It's so much more complicated and precarious, beyond their own experiences. I think I shouldn't blame anyone, just because I've learnt to cope so well, and keep a front to everything, but honestly, you have no right, at all, to judge, and make fallacious inductions. Just because I look like I won't mind, doesn't mean I am incapable of defending my position and others attacking me. So much for being good natured. I think, NJ exposed me to less desirable characteristics; it's not that people are mean; it's just that they're not nice. So much so that I hardly do anything for anyone anymore, without thinking first of what it means to me, and what benefit it could bring me. I think when I was younger, I was so much more willing to be "stupid" and volunteer to do things for people. But people laugh at you for being childike, innocent, gullible, and I guess they don't mean anything by it, but eventually they rub off you and and you lose the sheen you once had.
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| Something which happened in school today really snapped my last nerve of tolerance. I mean honestly, what ever happened to the carefully feigned system of professionalism and maturity which the so-called voices of authority supposedly possess? Honestly, it should be absolutely farcical that such public display of emotional expression should be projected in the most crude and vulgar fashion. Even the juniors gave us what little credit for any effort on our part, which is laudable, because it's hardly of any obligation to us, but an exhibition of volunteerism. I feel like tossing you off as a meal to rabid dogs, because your existence brings tribulation to mankind. I know this is all histrionics and dramatization, but my objective serves only to lambaste and provide a sense of moral judgment.
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Had 2.4 today. The weather was awesumm. The sun was shielded by mounds and mounds of clouds, and immediately after I finished, it started pouring like crazy. :D After school, spent a while fuming over ridiculous displays of utter lack of professionalism and appreciation, and then went to Tea Party with Tricia to eat scones (served with a, in my opinion, not-so-generous-but-still-reasonable dollop of strawberry cream cheese) and do our math tutorials; Graphing Techniques. Can't wait for the week to be over, despite the approaching Math test. Rawr.
You seriously marred my day. Damn you.
I'm going to do Math and make myself feel happier.
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